Why do you always have to compare yourself with others? I know I would generalize by saying it’s only girls/women who compare themselves with others, but I think the majority is. How many times per day are you thinking: “I wish I had hair like her” or “Wow, look at her eyes/butt/boobs/face/body/anything”? If you really start paying attention to these thoughts I think you would be astonished of how often they occur.
I’m not saying I’m any better. I think the same things all the time. What’s important though, is what your next thought is. You can’t choose your thoughts, they’re automatic, but you can choose how you wanna respond to them.
For example: I’m at a party and I meet a girl who I just think looks stunning. My first automatic thought is: “I wish I could look like that”.
How do I choose to deal with this?
Scenario 1: I continue this negative spiral of thoughts. This will creative a negative feeling, and maybe cause my shoulders to slack, and my smile to disappear. “Everyone loves her, and I’m just boring, sitting here moping in the corner”.
Or I can actively choose how I want to deal with this.
Like scenario 2: “Stop it. There it was again- the automatic thought. Just because I think that she’s better looking/funnier than me, does not take away my awesomeness”. Instead I will continue laughing and having fun at the party, and others will like me too.
When you think about it, what is it that makes another person attractive?
Is it how skinny they are? How long their hair is? What clothes they are wearing? What their thighs looks like when they’re sitting down? Or is it their personality? The way they laugh? How kind and generous they are? The way they’re listening to you when you talk?
The same qualities you find attractive in someone else, they will find attractive about you. Sure, first impressions are based on looks, but you continue to get to know people for who they are. How do you know they’re not walking around thinking that you are the most gorgeous/awesome person in the world? I bet that if you told someone that your jealous of they would give the response: “What, are you crazy? I hate my…But I love your…”. What’s the point then to walk around and be envious of others?
I personally try to work actively with this. It takes time, and you have to do it every day. What it comes down to in the end is how you feel about yourself. If you are confident and have a strong self-esteem you probably don’t agree with anything I’ve been saying so far. On the other hand, if you feel like you are less worthy, and insecure about yourself this might be a problem. The good news are it’s fixable.
Here is one exercise you can do when you find yourself comparing/ less worthy than others:
When walking down the street, in the school corridor, at work, the subway, anywhere, decide to compare yourself with every third person you see. Pick your age group, for example girls age 18-24, and look at every third girl. Are everyone of them super model attractive? Does all of them have perfect hair?
I can tell you from my personal experience, that no, not everyone of them is “perfect”. Even if they look “normal” that doesn’t mean they’re horrible and boring people, right?
Try doing this exercise the next time you go out. This, along with starting to become aware, is a first step to feel better about yourself. Because you are awesome. Everyone can’t love you, but you don’t love everyone either, right? Don’t be so hard on yourself. You would never tell your best friend the horrible things you say to yourself. Be nice. Be forgiving. It will work. It is a process about creating new ways of thinking.
You can do it.
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